DETOX OR DIE!

There is a yearly ritual, dating back to all of last year, which invokes severe misery and suffering. It is designated The Master Cleanse or The Lemonade Diet. A grueling 10 day persecution of nothing but water shaken with varied ingredients; cayenne pepper, lemons, limes, organic maple syrup, sea salt, and smooth move. It works! Last year, after hanging out with an anorexic for 24 hours, Kelsey and I became brainwashed and formulated the notion we were obese. Anorexic Arlee coerced us to a 10 day detox for $49.99. We both lost 15 lbs via putrid breath, cracked lips, and crapped pants. Our skin glowed, stomach's shrunk, thighs trimmed, and cheek bones chiseled. Although, 2 months later the fat was all back, times two!! Night before contributions to the detox this year, consisted of fries from Cheeseburger and homemade oreos. Public announcement of this binds me in for better or for worse. Though I would opt for the worse to be married and fat than the for better skinny and single. I love purple skittles and carbs way too much to break up with them. So maybe enticement from these items would enable me to make a clean break from bad boys. Meanwhile, the detox goal is to prove I'm not just 1/2 but 1/4 the size of hoodrat come the countdown of NYC. My winnings will be the fateful look on her fat face, definitely worth $49.99!

I will look like Beyonce' in 10 days thanks to Grade B maple syrup!