CHRISTMAS COLLAGE

1: Christmas Pajamas.  We've never had Christmas pj's before.

2: The Heaton's and their present pile, well LEXI'S present pile!

3: MOROCCAN OIL! I LOVE this stuff! It smells so good and works super good on your hair.  It's a conditioner and shiner all in one.  I got the BIG BOTTLE, cha-ching!, thanks Santa!  And who wouldn't love a tiger print glass purse from a yard sale as a present?!

4: FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MOMENT EVER! Lexi busted out her moves AND SINGING for Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"! Lexi: "puh puh puh pokah face"! Note: No one taught her this song, I guess her pre-school is just gangsta.

5: This year's Christmas was all about LEXI!  She got more presents than EVERYONE combined.  We spent some serious cash on this cutie.  We downed atleast $200 on clothes for her.  She has to be the best dressed at her pre-school/daycare with skinny jeans and all! They make baby skinny jeans!

6: New Years Party Dress

7: So excited to open presents!  We had a present dance, which resembled running in place while rubbing our hands together signaling our greediness and yelling "PWESENTS"!

8: Instead of Christmas shopping, we got side tracked and picture posed for mirrors all day.

9: Aunt Nannon and Brebre not meaning to match

10:  NAKKI K and I sans make up.  She hooked me up with the best Christmas Eve cookies ever.

THE COLOSSUS OF CLOUT

As seen on TV...25 X's bigger! (not me, the cupcake!)

THE CUPCAKE COLOSSUS

This is even better than the one at Lagoon!

Confession: I am secretly and recently obsessed with ALL things "As Seen On TV".  Billy Mayes me and I am sold!  I am destined to be one of those crazy old ladies ordering off infomercials, QVC, and maybe one day Avon.

I've tried and tested the following:

BUMPITS- nice attempt to achieve "the Utah poof" but my oh so large cranium wasn't quite accommodating.  It also did not give a very round effect on top, it was more like a mountain pointy top.  Though it did stay in surprisingly well by itself without bobby pins or clips.  Useage: once. 

STRAP PERFECT- absolutely perfect for the summer wardrobe and totally does in fact give you a lift!  Though it was difficult to maneuver on by yourself.  Useage: once (I got it at the very end of the summer).

SPACE BAGS- LOVE! My life saver when I moved back from Connecticut with all my bulky winter wardrobe.  It will not hold all of what the picture claims on the box, nor will it be as flat as shown.  BUT it does save plenty of space.  The plastic bags also did not rip or tear.  Usage: once.  1 year later all my stuff is still space savers packed tightly in a box. 

BIG TOP CUPCAKE or COLOSSAL CUPCAKE-  I had my doubts after opening the box to find NO directions, nor the book of decorating tips!  To make matters worse I googled it and came upon the product review, where not many were satisfied.  But it worked out pretty well after an HOUR of cooking and an hour of freezing.  Usage: once, hopefully more to come.  Thanks Heatons!

WONDER HANGER- my mom utilizes this for all her scrubs and it works like a charm!  Very sturdy and does not break or sag.

MY WISHLIST:

Pedi-egg
Smooth away- I even prepped my legs for this by not shaving for 3 months, only to find out it wasn't one of my Christmas presents. 
Perfect brownie
Jupiter Jack
iTeeze

What are your favorite products?  Do they work?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

FROST YOURSELF!

Scenario: Woke up to surprisingly find everything covered in snow.

Yay! Begin singing the snow tune, "Snow Snow Snow Snow Snow" (in various octaves of course).

Stay cozy inside all day whilst annoying everyone with the snow tune.

Decide to finally venture out that night to obtain food.

Upon arrival outside the ice completely swept me off my feet.

My butt bit the dust, er snow in this case.

Upon falling I had erratically exposed a random high heel.

Then for the next 10 minutes I attempted to get into the car.

Right handed, left handed, both handed would not budge the door.

It was completely 100% FROZEN!

Moving on to the next car.

Same scenario, same maneuvers, same problem...

Second car was FROZEN too!

OhMyGosh!

I ran inside proclaiming i had found a high heel and the car doors were FROZEN!

Pull harder and put your body/booty into it were the suggestions.

Attempt #2 produced the same outcome minus one freshly manicured nail.

Finally relenting to starvation and a notion that the sun could melt it tomorrow.

Until a strange voice from the darkness boomed "UNLOCK YOUR DOORS"!

Whatever creepy person in the shadows stalking me, pretty sure I did that first!

Beep Beep.

I unlocked the doors again so creepy person could see the doors were really FROZEN!

Utilizing the 2 handed booty pull the door sprung open.

OMG! WTF! IMA DA!

However, I was not disconcerted with the fact that there was a creeper watching me but that I indeed in fact looked stupid infront of said creeper.

Flushed with extreme embarrassment I timidly confessed a "THANKS!" while shrinking away into unlocked car, all in order to go purchase chocolate covered cinnamon gummy bears.

DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!

Looks like those scandalous single girls days are long gone!

And now our theme is more along the lines of

DROPPING LIKE FLIES!

Exhibit A- THE BEST FRIEND

Crime: was blinded in March, dated 3 months, engaged & married in July

Punishment: exiled to frigid Alaska without shoes to babysit/teach snot-nosed-smelly-cry-baby-brats

Fine: owes me a first born for making said wedding happen in 16 DAYS and having to deal with Dicky!

Bail: a fabulous pair of shoes, a bag of purple skittles, & a mixed CD (yes we still compose those).

Exhibit B- The Elle

Crime: a never ending 2 year on & off relationship turned boyfriend for a month & now insta-fiancee.

Punishment: ex-boyfriend + secret = cupcakes (buying AND eating)

Fine: pending and dependant upon the date of alleged marriage

Bail: asap lunch date with chick-a-la-te's to discuss wedding plans.

EXHIBIT C- The Lisa

Crime: gave snowboarder dude a hundredth chance, gave into a date, and will soon be giving into a marriage proposal

Punishment: must go shopping and let Bre insert color into wardrobe

Fine: pending and dependant upon severity of wedding planning duties

Bail: another one of our infamous lunch dates at the Grub Box

Based on these 3 successful cases, the following conclusions have been deciphered:

A- to go on a blind date, one year in the making, set up by a sister

B- to stop eating carbs and become a body builder who forgives and forgets

C- to add/accept "friends" on facebook and give former ehs boys (that are still cute, have hair and not fat) a chance

None of those hypothesis' are possible, based on the following deductions:

A- I HATE blind dates and absolutely REFUSE (the last one was 4 years ago) and I'm so over my freakishly tall boy fetish.

B- I will NEVER stop eating cupcakes and skittles. Nor will I walk for 2 hours a day to be your sugar mama. And I will absolutely not forget what you may or may not have done to me!

C- I don't snowboard. I always decline boys on fb. I already tried/dated the post ehs classmates and all three of those episodes were humiliating experiences. I still relive 1/3 every Sunday.

And then there were two.

EXHIBIT NACO & BRE

Crime: being too independently fabulous for a boyfriend

Punishment: many many new shoes and mani's & pedi's

Fine: YES we are!

Bail: 2 normal male well behaved college graduates with a car, job, hair, and sense of humor.

EMAIL RESUME WITH REFERENCES & PICTURE

immediate interview for candidates with said requirements AND a 6ft.+ height able to surpass us with our 4-5 inch heels

THE SARTORIALIST

Halloween Style-

headband-Icing, glasses- Forever 21, earrings- Boston street shop, rainbow lashes- Kmart, striped 3/4 shirt- BCBG, polo- Penguin, suspenders-thrifted, tie- DKNY, blue flower- Forever 21, skirt- Abercrombie & Fitch, gold sequin sash-Vanity, raspberry suede fringe belt- Banana Republic, tights- Express, argyle knee highs- Tommy Hilfiger, red wedges- Anne Klein, sporadic flowers- Gap, bracelets- Old Navy, Amuse.

Just in case you wanted an outfit like this.

JAZZED!

Guess what started today????

New season, new slate. The anticipation is great.

"GO GO JAZZ!" -Lexi

(and Game 1 of the World Series! LOVE IT! Yanks got spanked tonight! And that's always a good thing Dezi.)

eFFer's!

My attempt to be F-word Fabulous pumpkin cutter.

I kinda Failed at making the double F Fit tightly together.

But you Fashionista's get the jist of it.

OOOOOOOHHH!!

AAAAHHH!!

Whomever comments Fastest First on what the F's stand For will get a Freaking Fabulous prize package From yours truely. And I absolutely send FABULOUS packages via postal mail! Just ask all my postal old lady besties around the US. I'm a Frequent supporter and sender of snail mail.

WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW

Armed and ready for some action (literally)!

Pulverized our enemy.

Our ammo.

Dead eye.

Mom, Lexi & Dora could play this game for hours.

Night night. zzzzz. ahh! wake up! Night night. zzzz. ahh! wake up!

Lexi & Dirt playing in the dirt. She isn't too fond of Kurt and calls him Dirt! haha. Every time she sees him she hits him and says "DIRT NICE"! And look at her cowboy boots! so cute!

Tony has totally integrated into the family, thus his Indian shirt!

Lexi and Wade. She calls him VVVADE while giving him mean looks!

She totally copied my Urban sunglasses! But not my Halloween sticker!

Stylin the new ear muffs.

Mags, Bwee bwee, and Lexi.

These Lil Mag Lucky Jeans have been my faithful friend for 5 years! I will wear them to shreds, as you can tell! LOVE THEM! They are my own weight watchers. They are a terrific gauge of whether I'm fat or skinny. Currently the gauge is hovering towards fat.

Oh yeah we shot guns too. Shot guns, rifles, semi-automatics, jk I don't know what it's called but those pictures weren't nearly as interesting.

SEE YA NEXT TRIP.

BUNS OF STEEL!

Incidentally, Jamey and I depleted $15 a piece for the viewing pleasure of banana hammocks, g-strings, and thongs on future skin cancer patients all night long. Each barely there ensemble ranged from shiny, glittery, velvety, and bedazzly to MORE shiny, glittery, velvety, and bedazzly.

RAWR the top five! Haha! Just in case you were wondering purple won.

And just in case you were also wondering black is Elle's ex-old-new bf. Hopefully they won't be busting out body builder babies anytime soon!

RAWR Ms. Olympia Runner Up! Haha!

Just in case you were wondering this IS a woman!

RAWR Elle! Just in case you were wondering she didn't win.

But she did win the best bootay award unanimously from the guys in front of us! Unfortunately, this was the only on stage pic I snapped because she walks too fast in those hooker heels.

But fortunately...

for Facebook to furnish my photo stealing (and stalking) abilities.

Elle looked AMAZING!! (minus her old lady fake spray tan of course)

James and I were evidently outta place in the mix of Affliction shirts and horrendously bedazzled jeans and belts! I presume most of them watch Good Things Utah for style tips.

Nonetheless, I absolutely LOVE Elle and fully support her in all her capricious endeavors! When she has a goal (or a guy for that matter) she zones in 100%! This rock star knocked off 30 pds, ate NO carbs, grinded 3-5 hrs daily at the gym (dezi get your mind out of the gutter!), walked 2 hours a day on an incline!! Between Dezi's wedding (late July) , my birthday (late August) , and the competition (October) her transformation was astounding! GOOD JOB ELLE! Go eat something!

My $15 favorites of the 4 hour night were the choreographed music/muscle poses, the blue velvet banana hammock, and most notably the THRILLER number performed by the only guy in competition WITHOUT muscles! I. DIE. So OOC! (out of control)

BLAH BLAH BLAH

Hilariously in LOVE with the BLAHGIRLS! I have been watching them on my blackberry via the youtube app for the past two days, in between reading PeopleStyle and watching The Insider. Tres funny! TOAST!

I LIVE FOR THIS!

I have ALWAYS wanted to drive cross country and do a baseball tour across the USA! Well I finally got the chance, I flew out to Richmond {Rich what? haha}, VA and met up with the bro Kurt. He's been working in VA this summer as a counselor for troubled teens at this "hard core live in the woods like Bear Grylls camp". He drove out in May and I pleaded to go with him hoping we could hit up ATL Chipper country but to no avail. He was certain he could handle the drive solo. 4 months later he called me for back up on the journey home, haha I'm always right. So I hooked us up with the best baseball itinerary ever....a MLB game every night!!!

MONDAY: Virginia to Maryland - 2 1/2 hrs - ORIOLES

TUESDAY: Maryland to Ohio - 8 hrs - REDS

WEDNESDAY: Ohio to Missouri - 5 hrs - CARDINALS

THURSDAY: Missouri to Colorado - 12 hrs - ROCKIES

FRIDAY: Colorado to Utah - 6 hrs - ADISONS

And so our adventure began up the 95. We passed a sign to NEW YORK CITY 202 miles. As my eyes popped out of my head I tried to convince the bro we should head north. I was only 2 1/2 hours from pure bliss.

Instead we ended up in Baltimore, Maryland.

Taking a harbor stroll to Camden Yards in a fabulous H&M sweater I made him buy. I also made him skip being my Washington DC tour guide in order for me to be his Bloomingdales tour guide. Tyson's Corner is where to shop in Washington peoples! Let's not forget I haven't seen a real shopping scene since February in Phoenix. So I was definitely forgoing the history lesson for make up lessons at Sephora. Don't worry Erin, I will return and you can show me DC the right way.

ORIOLES VS. YANKEES

A babe with the power!

Good ole' Cal.

The famous building shot many a sluggers have blasted HR's off of. Notice the time, all the games we purposely made it in time for BP (batting practice). Which starts 2 hrs before a 3-4 hr game, that's how hard core we were!


First baseline watching the Yawkee's warm up. Kurt was convinced Jeter was coming over our way to stretch, based on his previous Yankee pregame conditioning observations. Jeter never showed.


This is what BP looks like (from the outfield), no one is there. Even though I thoroughly detest and despisingly hate the Yankees, up close they are ALL pretty HOTT!

ESPECIALLY this guy, my lover Andy Pettitte!! A lefty, and if ya'll know baseball that is invaluably fabulous for a pitcher. And this is where my crazy begins.

How lucky is it that he happens to be pitching the night I'm there right?! Its gotta be my lucky Pucci scarf, for sure!

I have never seen his stubble this close before! Yes, I stalk him.

Dear Andy. I love you, even though you are a damn Yankee. Marry me. I may even wear a Yankee hat for you. Love Bre.

I ran, skipped, jumped, pushed, shoved little kids out of my way to get all of these shots. This is not on zoom kids!! I'm that far away from him screaming I LOVE YOU!


I totally lost it right here and got shaky, thus the blurry! My jaw dropped and so did my camera as I took in the full moment of his complete hotness and wave.


Thanks my lucky pretty Pucci scarf for my pretty Pettitte pitching.

P.S. Shame on Baltimore, the ratio of Yankee fans to Oriole fans was 10 to 1! It was like I was in the Bronx, I thought this was Bird Town!?!

Stunning view on our 15 block walk back to the car.

Downtown Baltimore was surprisingly clean and safe, not to mention the expensive parking forever away from the stadium. The hotel that night was another matter. It was a freakishly tripped out night from random late night knockings on our door and mysterious room calls! I was certain someone stalked us back to the hotel wanting to rape me. Or it was another case of the Pyscho movie. Too scared to go to the bathroom after the first disturbance, I concluded I could save myself by peeing on my assailant. But all I ended up waking up to were bed bug bites!

I took pictures of all the state signs we passed. This one was by far my favorite...WILD and WONDERFUL, cause I am!!

REDS VS. PIRATES

GI Joe and I at the Great American Ball Park in Cincinnati.

This was my favorite park on the trip minus the dumb build a bear store inside. It was clean, had an awesome steamboat restaurant, and most of all EVERYWHERE you sat was fabulous. I almost pulled a 'Fever Pitch' scene in here. A mean foul ball came snarling towards my head, luckily it landed half a seat away from me, thus avoiding a baseball imprinted forehead.

Outlooking the bridges of Cincinnati from the stadium.

Not only did I school my bro about Cincinnati facts, such as Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are huge Bearcat fans, I also introduced him to White Castle. Holla for mini burgers! Many a 3 am nights were spent with stockbroker boy and his bros at White Castle in Queens! GI Joe was totally clueless or hungry as he ordered 6 burgers!

On the third day with only 5 hours to drive to our destination, we detoured to The Louisville Slugger Museum and Factory in Kentucky.

BIG STIX = CHIX

Haha, my whole family laughed at my baseball bat pose. I can't help it, my arms just automatically come up for pictures. I may seem girly but I know my stuff! and stats!

Catch me if you can!

I wish I could have taken a picture of the expression on Kurt's face when I MADE him take this picture of me. It read "why did you just lay down on this when I already took one of you sitting on it you are so immature to be my older sister". Promptly after we took some slices in the batting cages, where we were able to use the exact weight and measurement of many of the major leaguers bats. Ken Griffey Jr., Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Babe Ruth were a few of the bats we tried. We were like kids in a candy store. It was then my bro MADE ME take a million and five pictures of him in the batting cage via the chain link fence and netting. I then talked him into buying a customized bat complete with his signature. Not scheduled to arrive until October, I pulled a few strings/charms with the bat boy to ensure arrival on Kurt's birthday....it was a birthday miracle!

Loved this trash can!

Loved this bridge, somewhere in Kentucky.


CARDINALS VS. BREWERS

In heaven with the REAL boys of summer.

Busch Stadium was HUGE, there were like 4 upper decks! Complete with its own Hardee's.

The arch in the background was our favorite.

After the game we decided to be even more hard core and drive the 12 hours straight to Denver! The Rockies game turned out to be a day game instead of a night game. So we gunned it and pulled 3 hour shifts of sleeping/driving. I could write a whole other post of how I kept myself and brain awake during the never ending truck/porn stops in Kansas. Nonetheless we made it, for BP and all!!

ROCKIES VS. METS

Loved Gonzalez's wicked mo-hawk! And LOVED my bro's successful side swipe on an old lady to capture a foul ball.

So mad and so sad Francoeur got traded from the Braves to the Mets! I hate the Mets too, NY teams and I do not get along! They are like the Braves' biggest rivals! Nonetheless I still cheered and loved him via right field. Not to mention the love in right field, how about the secret message I left for Jamey in the right field bathrooms! I totally sharpied stall #1, and she found the inscriptions 2 days later on her baseball road trip!

Apparently everyone ditched out on work and took a long lunch break to come to the game. It was packed and super hot! We snuck down to baseline seats but vacated within 2 innings from the sultryness. Excuse my outfit, apparently it's from the 90's. With no tanks and everything else requiring layers and scarves, this was the best "keep cool" outfit I could muster. I would rather look 90's than go plain white shirt {ewe}! And I was 5 seconds away from taking off said shirt but then I didn't want another stalker following us back to the hotel to rape me.

Denver was pretty cool, definitely not what I expected. The gansta rap stations were the best I heard all roadtrip, thanks inpart to Carmello Anthony and the Thuggetts I'm sure. After the game I slept too long and woke up to find I only had one shopping hour left. Google maps screwed me over and I ended up lost having 15 minutes in a consignment shop. Luckily, I discovered a REAL authentic Burberry tie, tres chic with the flying horse and all! For FOUR dollars! Thanks Carmello. As if 4 days of baseball and Sportscenter weren't enough for me I redboxed 'SUGAR' for the night. LOVED it! If you know what's good for you and like baseball, you will definitely like this movie (except I hated the end).

My brother is awesome! Best birthday present ever, he bought all my tickets to the games! It was such a masculine road trip, only stopping for burgers and bathrooms, and only watching Sports Center and Baseball Tonight in our hotels, and only listening to his boy music- except when I drove I initiated him into gangsta rap. Peace out homeboy, glad you're home.