Looks like those scandalous single girls days are long gone!
And now our theme is more along the lines of
DROPPING LIKE FLIES!
Exhibit A- THE BEST FRIEND
Crime: was blinded in March, dated 3 months, engaged & married in July
Punishment: exiled to frigid Alaska without shoes to babysit/teach snot-nosed-smelly-cry-baby-brats
Fine: owes me a first born for making said wedding happen in 16 DAYS and having to deal with Dicky!
Bail: a fabulous pair of shoes, a bag of purple skittles, & a mixed CD (yes we still compose those).
Exhibit B- The Elle
Crime: a never ending 2 year on & off relationship turned boyfriend for a month & now insta-fiancee.
Punishment: ex-boyfriend + secret = cupcakes (buying AND eating)
Fine: pending and dependant upon the date of alleged marriage
Bail: asap lunch date with chick-a-la-te's to discuss wedding plans.
EXHIBIT C- The Lisa
Crime: gave snowboarder dude a hundredth chance, gave into a date, and will soon be giving into a marriage proposal
Punishment: must go shopping and let Bre insert color into wardrobe
Fine: pending and dependant upon severity of wedding planning duties
Bail: another one of our infamous lunch dates at the Grub Box
Based on these 3 successful cases, the following conclusions have been deciphered:
A- to go on a blind date, one year in the making, set up by a sister
B- to stop eating carbs and become a body builder who forgives and forgets
C- to add/accept "friends" on facebook and give former ehs boys (that are still cute, have hair and not fat) a chance
None of those hypothesis' are possible, based on the following deductions:
A- I HATE blind dates and absolutely REFUSE (the last one was 4 years ago) and I'm so over my freakishly tall boy fetish.
B- I will NEVER stop eating cupcakes and skittles. Nor will I walk for 2 hours a day to be your sugar mama. And I will absolutely not forget what you may or may not have done to me!
C- I don't snowboard. I always decline boys on fb. I already tried/dated the post ehs classmates and all three of those episodes were humiliating experiences. I still relive 1/3 every Sunday.
And then there were two.
EXHIBIT NACO & BRE
Crime: being too independently fabulous for a boyfriend
Punishment: many many new shoes and mani's & pedi's
Fine: YES we are!
Bail: 2 normal male well behaved college graduates with a car, job, hair, and sense of humor.
EMAIL RESUME WITH REFERENCES & PICTURE
immediate interview for candidates with said requirements AND a 6ft.+ height able to surpass us with our 4-5 inch heels
