YOU ARE OFFICALLY CLAWED!

PAST GUEST LIST

WHO? All Charlie Cougar boys K-6

WHAT? Clawing of the arms or hand mostly

WHERE? Castle Dale Elementary

WHEN? Recess on the playground slash big toy!

WHY? Because I liked you or hated you. Or a certain "carrot head" called me "brownie" all the time. Or if you dare call me "claws"!

PRESENT GUEST

WHO did it? Moi! Thanks to my mothers perfect rock hard genetic nail make up. Seriously, she could be a nailpolish finger model!

WHAT was the damage? My face, my dignity, and I had to sacrifice my $5 lunch money for the antibiotic band-aids; thus forgoing the non-antibiotic Hello Kitty and Dora brands.

WHERE did it occur? At the Ross in the 'only 8 is allowed at a time' dressing room; I had problems with this law being I tried on 35 dresses! The stitchless scar will forever be noted on my chin.

WHEN did it happen slash stop bleeding? On my day off Wednesday morning, where upon I then became immensely soaked in my white shorts from the rain. The Juicy boy shorts became an apparent chartreuse not green but no matter for my $2 teal Wal-mart beach bag bled all over my shorts! After which a beamer proceeded to slam into the back of my rental car at a stop light. Soon followed by a 3 hour "I don't know what do you want to do" non-date. 36 minutes into this catastrophy my chin stopped bleeding.

WHY did it happen? My theory goes back to year ago when Dezi had this "great" idea to make her current nomad conquest fall in love with me. Which was then proceeded by my "great" idea to break his heart and move back to Connecticut which caused his nasty declaration at the end of an email/friendship/point 2 fake relationship stating….KARMA IS REAL BEWARE! Apparently it is, all because I saw a fat nomad look a like yesterday walking down the street and laughed!

HOW did it happen? Well for one trying on dresses is dangerous, and alone can be deadly. Once I was stuck in a Kohl's dressing room for 45 minutes stuck in a dress, my brother would not come in and help me, and no I do not shop at Kohl's. Sidenote...because I can never find anything in there, it's a mess! I don't know how my East Coast bestie Kelsey manages to show me up every single time with her killer Kohl's finds. Although, Fergie does advertise some cute dresses for them. Anyways, I was searching for a cocktail dress for a mini Miami day cruise, which of course entelled sequins, glitter, halters, feathers, strapless, a myriad assortment of dresses. I have a disproportionate body type, I'm smaller on the bottom and bigger, much bigger on the top. Most girls I would say try on dresses starting from the top and pull down trying to get over their hips and butt. I start from the bottom and pull up trying to get over my boobs! As I was making this maneuver into an too small for my boobs bust line, my hand slipped as I yanked upward and left a trail of blood and skin from my chin to my lip.

RSVP your comments too but are not limited to the following:
*intense staring....followed by what happened?
*look of shock...followed by what happened?
*you got in a fight last night huh?...with a biker chick?
*did you get a piercing?
*did you cut yourself shaving?
*do you have a crush on somebody? (completely absurd but I loved it, especially because it came from some random guy who growled at my solar color changing T-rex shirt!)
*can i kiss it better?
*waxed?
*did you get burned?
*did you wear that to match your eye shadow?

RESPONSES:
*I cut myself
*I clawed myself
*I got in a fight
*I got bit
*I have big boobs
*Nothing
*What are you talking about?
*I don't know what you mean?
*Huh?
*Insane laughter
*I found silence and walking off was the best strategy.


WARNING: If I recieve one more...."does your band-aid turn colors too?" joke then the nails will claw you at its own discretion!
*an anomimous color changing store bribes me to endure looking glamorous slash chipper at the counter all day long for people to laugh at my purple band-aid