BON VOYAGE!

"THAT'S THE BEACH?!" statement began the list of disappointments from this island. Gourds of geriatrics swarmed the island leaving a scant dating pool. Although there were 2 Navy bases on the island, we never reaped nor found the rewards from this fact. Despite this I was charmed/bewitched by a hilarious Puerto Rican fighter for point two, only to learn his intentions were evilly based upon a bet, that he did not win sending him back to Chicago! Over priced living necessities contributed to the dislike of the island. Shared space of a car, bedroom and bathroom were almost too much to handle. But it was probably the scarce shopping that put me over the edge of hatred for Key West. However, a free tote bag coupon sent me into suicide mode. This elusive coupon crazed my state of normalcy of calm and collectiveness into an monstrous East Coast byatch on pms! I've never been so hated by nor fought with complete strangers in my entire life. Soberly, despite the previous post implications, I Tim Gunn'ed it and made it work in Key West. Soon my tan and I delighted in the sunny days it had to offer.

So here are a few fond farewell memories I neglected to address via blog.
1- IMMACULATE SKIES AND SUNSETS

2- JUMBO DIVINE DELECTABLE 1000 CALORIE COOKIES-my belly still has not recovered

3- HUNDREDS OF HARLEY'S HERE FOR BIKE WEEK- my ears still have not recovered

4- RANDOM PARADES

For Fun

For the Speed Boat Races

For the World Series Champs

For the Navy

For Christmas

For the candy

5- HOTEL HOPPING

I LOVED sneaking into the Casa to lay out! This is how I was expecting the whole island to look.

http://www.casamarinaresort.com/

6- HURRICANE IKE EVACUATION VACATION

Everyone thought I was crazy packing rain boots!

We were evacuated to Orlando!

The only thing I wanted to see was the Braves Spring Training Ballpark in Disney World.

While stranded at the hotel we played bingo with the bar tender

7-BEACHES

MIAMI

KEY WEST

Haha! This is my favorite retarded picture!

BYE BYE BEACH. PEACE OUT TO MY TAN AND CANCER FOR NOW.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Did you know Key West is the 3rd most destined hot spot for New Years after Vegas and NYC? I didn't but apparently Hulk Hogan did, as Hollie side swiped him on a scooter earlier that day.

The KW Ross is commendable for it's slutty skimpy sexy $20 party dresses. These were the five selections but it was the accessories that won out the sequined strapless. I have been longing to finally wear my black Miami Mango MSG necklace. This was my last and final wardrobe hurrah before I move back to Utah, the cold, and my mother where unfortunately my tan will be covered and lost!

Working it down Duval. Love my cell phone placement. Graciously let Hollie wear one of the selections, in exchange for use of straightener/blow dryer/bobby pins.

A plethora of people on the packed street of Duval.

Caught many a beads and kisses that night! Riiiight. I feel like I'm doing a dancing Kim Kardasian pose, too bad I don't have the butt to fulfill that role.

CNN was broadcasting live for Sushi The Drag Queen's ruby slipper drop.

Loved her/his dress, totally jealous of Sushi and her feathered cape. I love all the extravagance of a good Drag Queen.

I can hardly contain my enthusiasm as I pushed my way on stage!

I love Sushi! And Sushi loves holding my fat in! Sushi's Chippendale bodyguard was not a good photographer...what a drag (no pun intended)!

The Party on the Pier! It was the best entertainment all night, complete with fireworks!

Yikes!!! Where's the ones?!

BAR-bie girl

The strip is to Vegas, as Duval is to Key West.

Sunlight is to beach, as moonlight is to Duval.

This pretty much sums up the duration of the night and day activities comprised in Key West.
BEHOLD THE BARS.....

but not limited to the following few

1-IRISH KEVINS

Our hot spot for FANTASY FEST!

The outside was just as poppin/crazy as the inside. Costumes included.

Big Dave was our free ticket into any bar/event.

He was the only guy to purchase us non-alcoholic drinks.

2- COWBOY BILLS

Met the one and only Cowboy Bill!

We became celebrities on stage at Cowboy Bill's. Granting us free cover into many bars hereafter, with the mere mention of crayon girls. We won more than just $250 that night.

Cowboy Bill's has a smaller counterpart 4 blocks down again called Cowboy Bills. I kid you not, this picture as well as the hat and pose was this guys idea! He greeted us with "Ever heard of a song called 'Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy'?" Haha, that's the locals for ya!

3- THE SMALLEST BAR

This was by far our FAVORITE bar! We witnessed many a drug busts, drug deals, affairs, drunken stupor, fights, arrests, dancing, kissing and nakedness. We listened to many a obscenities, riots, pirate/parrot talk, repeated Jamaican play list, sirens, cow bells, cat calls, and shout outs. All from the front row seat via our store. We watched more than we worked. Oft times the Rasafari bar tender would run us over a watered down pineapple smoothies.

This bar could squeeze 4 by 3 drunks inside.

4- CAPTAIN TONY'S

I felt like I was in a vintage postcard setting!

I love it, a tree and branches of bras in the middle of the bar!

5- MARGARITAVILLE

It's 5'o clock somewhere.
Or it's 5'o clock around the clock in Key West.

We went to Margaritaville and all we ordered was water on the rocks?!

6- RICKS

This is where we got jiggy with it Big Willy style. Crayon peelings, biker bumpin's, and hurricane warnings all happened in Ricks.

7- SLOPPY JOES

We loved Sloppy Joes for the free public restrooms, whereby we directed many a tourists out of our store. And the live web cam, whereby my family and Dezi were able to see virtual Bre. Not only does Sloppy Joes have a big Christmas tree atop, but also has the best sloppy joes and toga party around!

Ring in the New Year with the dropping of the conch shell!

8- AQUA

Happenin' gay spot for New Years! Loved the male dancers atop the roof!

Our first night out and about Key West, we stumbled upon Aqua and it's famous drag shows! Christmas is no exception.

9- LAZY GECKOS

A mini dance party was always on the loose at Lazy Geckos.

A plethora not pictured but equally as fun:

-Whistler Bar- A three story building consisting of a bar bottom floor, a topless middle floor, and a Garden of Eden naked top floor!

-Big Uns- pretty self explanatory, like unto a Hooters on steroids.

-Dirty Harry's- one of the many small side bars.

-Red Fish Blue Fish- never went but always heard it's crazy commercials on the radio.

-Flying Monkeys- sold fermented snow cones, looked very appealing like unto icees!

And many MANY others!

The BAR-bie girls in a BAR-bie world in Key West, Florida.

COME ON BARBIE LET'S GO PARTY!