BANG BANG!

So it's a New Year with New Shoes, New Clothes, New Trips, New Jobs, New Boys, and New Resolutions.  As I busted into my sister's room the other day, where she has been non-stop suicide-ly scrapbooking, she asked me what my New Years Resolutions were.  I stood there dumbfounded trying to conjure up something funny to exemplify the degree of gayness I perceived New Years Resolutions to be.  "NOT BE UGLY!"  I stated.  She pity laughed.  Although, after careful observation, I have ascertained this can be quite applicable in all aspects of life.  Don't choose ugly thoughts, ugly words, ugly actions, ugly boys, ugly jobs and most of all an ugly appearance.  It's totally fitting for the twenty ten.  But like all resolutions (ie last year) I have a tendency to break them within the first month/hour/day of the new year.  So why should this year be any exception?

EXHIBIT A

I am an Asian twin! haha. This is what happens when we are left alone bored in the morning instead of shopping.  We took turns cutting each others hair!  The act was justified in that we were skilled with years of scrapbooking, sewing and quilting, so we can definitely cut a straight line!  Desi frequently scissors Tony's hair and I have yet to laugh at him for his head.  Kurt has recently kept me on my toes by forcing cuttage to his emo hair.  Though our greatest validation we could do this ourselves was we knew what kind of girls went to cosmetology school.  How hard could it be?  I mean we both went to Universities.  "Yeah, so and so (insert fellow classmates names) is a cosmetologist, if they can do it, we can do it."  Not so.  Consequently, my mornings are now filled with braiding, twisting, and headbanding my bangs back.  I have yet to recreate presentable bangs or take a cute picture cause my face is just too round aka fat!  I knew this from the beginning that I never possessed the ideal face shape for the cut!  But just like most guys, whom you know from the beginning is never a good idea, though somehow you end up in the back seat of their car.  Haha! J/K!  Now the only thing I'll be doing in the back seat of a car is hiding these horrific bangs!

HERE'S TO A BANGIN' 2010!

*And because of this one act, Lexi may or may not have copied BreBre and taken her "safe" scissors and took a chunk out of her hair!

BIRTHDAY BASH

CHRISTMAS COLLAGE

1: Christmas Pajamas.  We've never had Christmas pj's before.

2: The Heaton's and their present pile, well LEXI'S present pile!

3: MOROCCAN OIL! I LOVE this stuff! It smells so good and works super good on your hair.  It's a conditioner and shiner all in one.  I got the BIG BOTTLE, cha-ching!, thanks Santa!  And who wouldn't love a tiger print glass purse from a yard sale as a present?!

4: FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MOMENT EVER! Lexi busted out her moves AND SINGING for Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"! Lexi: "puh puh puh pokah face"! Note: No one taught her this song, I guess her pre-school is just gangsta.

5: This year's Christmas was all about LEXI!  She got more presents than EVERYONE combined.  We spent some serious cash on this cutie.  We downed atleast $200 on clothes for her.  She has to be the best dressed at her pre-school/daycare with skinny jeans and all! They make baby skinny jeans!

6: New Years Party Dress

7: So excited to open presents!  We had a present dance, which resembled running in place while rubbing our hands together signaling our greediness and yelling "PWESENTS"!

8: Instead of Christmas shopping, we got side tracked and picture posed for mirrors all day.

9: Aunt Nannon and Brebre not meaning to match

10:  NAKKI K and I sans make up.  She hooked me up with the best Christmas Eve cookies ever.

THE COLOSSUS OF CLOUT

As seen on TV...25 X's bigger! (not me, the cupcake!)

THE CUPCAKE COLOSSUS

This is even better than the one at Lagoon!

Confession: I am secretly and recently obsessed with ALL things "As Seen On TV".  Billy Mayes me and I am sold!  I am destined to be one of those crazy old ladies ordering off infomercials, QVC, and maybe one day Avon.

I've tried and tested the following:

BUMPITS- nice attempt to achieve "the Utah poof" but my oh so large cranium wasn't quite accommodating.  It also did not give a very round effect on top, it was more like a mountain pointy top.  Though it did stay in surprisingly well by itself without bobby pins or clips.  Useage: once. 

STRAP PERFECT- absolutely perfect for the summer wardrobe and totally does in fact give you a lift!  Though it was difficult to maneuver on by yourself.  Useage: once (I got it at the very end of the summer).

SPACE BAGS- LOVE! My life saver when I moved back from Connecticut with all my bulky winter wardrobe.  It will not hold all of what the picture claims on the box, nor will it be as flat as shown.  BUT it does save plenty of space.  The plastic bags also did not rip or tear.  Usage: once.  1 year later all my stuff is still space savers packed tightly in a box. 

BIG TOP CUPCAKE or COLOSSAL CUPCAKE-  I had my doubts after opening the box to find NO directions, nor the book of decorating tips!  To make matters worse I googled it and came upon the product review, where not many were satisfied.  But it worked out pretty well after an HOUR of cooking and an hour of freezing.  Usage: once, hopefully more to come.  Thanks Heatons!

WONDER HANGER- my mom utilizes this for all her scrubs and it works like a charm!  Very sturdy and does not break or sag.

MY WISHLIST:

Pedi-egg
Smooth away- I even prepped my legs for this by not shaving for 3 months, only to find out it wasn't one of my Christmas presents. 
Perfect brownie
Jupiter Jack
iTeeze

What are your favorite products?  Do they work?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

FROST YOURSELF!

Scenario: Woke up to surprisingly find everything covered in snow.

Yay! Begin singing the snow tune, "Snow Snow Snow Snow Snow" (in various octaves of course).

Stay cozy inside all day whilst annoying everyone with the snow tune.

Decide to finally venture out that night to obtain food.

Upon arrival outside the ice completely swept me off my feet.

My butt bit the dust, er snow in this case.

Upon falling I had erratically exposed a random high heel.

Then for the next 10 minutes I attempted to get into the car.

Right handed, left handed, both handed would not budge the door.

It was completely 100% FROZEN!

Moving on to the next car.

Same scenario, same maneuvers, same problem...

Second car was FROZEN too!

OhMyGosh!

I ran inside proclaiming i had found a high heel and the car doors were FROZEN!

Pull harder and put your body/booty into it were the suggestions.

Attempt #2 produced the same outcome minus one freshly manicured nail.

Finally relenting to starvation and a notion that the sun could melt it tomorrow.

Until a strange voice from the darkness boomed "UNLOCK YOUR DOORS"!

Whatever creepy person in the shadows stalking me, pretty sure I did that first!

Beep Beep.

I unlocked the doors again so creepy person could see the doors were really FROZEN!

Utilizing the 2 handed booty pull the door sprung open.

OMG! WTF! IMA DA!

However, I was not disconcerted with the fact that there was a creeper watching me but that I indeed in fact looked stupid infront of said creeper.

Flushed with extreme embarrassment I timidly confessed a "THANKS!" while shrinking away into unlocked car, all in order to go purchase chocolate covered cinnamon gummy bears.

DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!

Looks like those scandalous single girls days are long gone!

And now our theme is more along the lines of

DROPPING LIKE FLIES!

Exhibit A- THE BEST FRIEND

Crime: was blinded in March, dated 3 months, engaged & married in July

Punishment: exiled to frigid Alaska without shoes to babysit/teach snot-nosed-smelly-cry-baby-brats

Fine: owes me a first born for making said wedding happen in 16 DAYS and having to deal with Dicky!

Bail: a fabulous pair of shoes, a bag of purple skittles, & a mixed CD (yes we still compose those).

Exhibit B- The Elle

Crime: a never ending 2 year on & off relationship turned boyfriend for a month & now insta-fiancee.

Punishment: ex-boyfriend + secret = cupcakes (buying AND eating)

Fine: pending and dependant upon the date of alleged marriage

Bail: asap lunch date with chick-a-la-te's to discuss wedding plans.

EXHIBIT C- The Lisa

Crime: gave snowboarder dude a hundredth chance, gave into a date, and will soon be giving into a marriage proposal

Punishment: must go shopping and let Bre insert color into wardrobe

Fine: pending and dependant upon severity of wedding planning duties

Bail: another one of our infamous lunch dates at the Grub Box

Based on these 3 successful cases, the following conclusions have been deciphered:

A- to go on a blind date, one year in the making, set up by a sister

B- to stop eating carbs and become a body builder who forgives and forgets

C- to add/accept "friends" on facebook and give former ehs boys (that are still cute, have hair and not fat) a chance

None of those hypothesis' are possible, based on the following deductions:

A- I HATE blind dates and absolutely REFUSE (the last one was 4 years ago) and I'm so over my freakishly tall boy fetish.

B- I will NEVER stop eating cupcakes and skittles. Nor will I walk for 2 hours a day to be your sugar mama. And I will absolutely not forget what you may or may not have done to me!

C- I don't snowboard. I always decline boys on fb. I already tried/dated the post ehs classmates and all three of those episodes were humiliating experiences. I still relive 1/3 every Sunday.

And then there were two.

EXHIBIT NACO & BRE

Crime: being too independently fabulous for a boyfriend

Punishment: many many new shoes and mani's & pedi's

Fine: YES we are!

Bail: 2 normal male well behaved college graduates with a car, job, hair, and sense of humor.

EMAIL RESUME WITH REFERENCES & PICTURE

immediate interview for candidates with said requirements AND a 6ft.+ height able to surpass us with our 4-5 inch heels