Wednesday, December 10, 2008

FYI


ONE- I'm laying in bed ready to die from mental exhaustion and lack of substance in my stomach, all for the sake of "the cleanse" slash diet from hell!


TWO- The 10 day starvation will all be worth it to step into NYC 38 hours from now and devour a dirty water dog and a Crumbs cupcake.


THREE- a date has been offically confirmed with stockbroker boy!!!!!!


FOUR- I am now insanely blonde thanks to Headlines Hair Station.


FIVE- I cheated....6 jolly ranchers, 3 sticks of gum, 2 dum dums, and 1 pretzel stick (for the ibprohen).


SIX- Today I stepped on the scale for the first time and...... -12 POUNDS!!!! I saw a 3 digit number I haven't seen in years!


SEVEN- I am not packed yet nor do I have winter clothes let alone a jacket! Tanks, shorts, flip flops and a hoodie will not suffice the chilling 40*! H&M here I come! There are no H&M's in Miami nor the state of Florida.


EIGHT- My 4 day itinerary is NOT complete! So peace out. On Earth. Good will to men.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

DETOX OR DIE!

There is a yearly ritual, dating back to all of last year, which invokes severe misery and suffering. It is designated The Master Cleanse or The Lemonade Diet. A grueling 10 day persecution of nothing but water shaken with varied ingredients; cayenne pepper, lemons, limes, organic maple syrup, sea salt, and smooth move. It works! Last year, after hanging out with an anorexic for 24 hours, Kelsey and I became brainwashed and formulated the notion we were obese. Anorexic Arlee coerced us to a 10 day detox for $49.99. We both lost 15 lbs via putrid breath, cracked lips, and crapped pants. Our skin glowed, stomach's shrunk, thighs trimmed, and cheek bones chiseled. Although, 2 months later the fat was all back, times two!! Night before contributions to the detox this year, consisted of fries from Cheeseburger and homemade oreos. Public announcement of this binds me in for better or for worse. Though I would opt for the worse to be married and fat than the for better skinny and single. I love purple skittles and carbs way too much to break up with them. So maybe enticement from these items would enable me to make a clean break from bad boys. Meanwhile, the detox goal is to prove I'm not just 1/2 but 1/4 the size of hoodrat come the countdown of NYC. My winnings will be the fateful look on her fat face, definitely worth $49.99!


I will look like Beyonce' in 10 days thanks to Grade B maple syrup!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

-946

I am trying to be THANKFUL for undelete.com and officerecovery.com for this ONE picture it was able to recovery minus the 945 others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With no thanks given to Recycle Bin.


Our Thanksgiving at the 5 star hotel restaurant with a bale of hay in the foyer?.

*note Uggs were worn ONLY because of a change in reservation which landed us tables outside and the AC froze my feet off all day.

Here are a few samples of what the "recovery" Thanksgiving pics looked like...

half Indians half messy room, love my 5'o clock shadow!

half Indian faces and jaws

we lost our feathers while yawning


magical no photoshop coloring

3 little Indians and half of a Lily Pulitzer ensemble

So being an "Indian" and all, I would think that would enable me to know what Indian's looked like. Not so, as exemplified in the headband I made and am wearing. Which could have easily been corrected by turning it 180 degrees but being the stubborn soul that I am, the head band moved 0 degrees. I simply stated to the white girls that Pocahontas wore it this way and it was her princess headdress. I proved the point by wearing it all day and even walking the streets of Key West to the parked car, twice.

Though I am absolutely thankful that no one heard all the explicatives and trash talk rumbling out of my mouth for an hour straight as a result of the -946.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

BITE ME

"WOW, you have really good veins!"
"You must love that David Archie-lettie kid then."
"Take a powerade, take some cookies, take my number, take a t-shirt."
"Can you live in the red rocks in Utah?"
"I wish everyone had veins like you."
"Call this number if you happen to discover you are pregnant."
"You are our first chaste donor in a long time. Good job. Your parents must be proud but not your boyfriend."
"You have good blood, Edward would probably agree."
"Smart people read books, good thing you brought one."
"Really? You look Asian."
"You seem skinny, why are you wearing a tent?"
"I know I saw you in Miami. Do you like the disco?"
"You saved three lives today, no doubt Key West needs it."
"Drink lots of liquids, alcohol counts too."


The professionalism in this town is exhibited in the blurbs noted throughout the donating process. I contributed to man kind today, saving three Key West lives via my blood. Although, the above quotations wouldn't reveal this act. It was one of the oddest experiences ever but nothing less would astound me from this town.



Me and my "Be nice to me I donated blood" sticker and purple bandage


*P.S. I admit I saw Twilight opening night, have read half the books, and am not a hater.

Monday, November 24, 2008

PAGE-ing MISS ADDY

Each day I am able to relive a part of my life that sometimes I choose not to remember, while other times I wish I were reliving those moments! This comes by way of Dezi's infamous fanatical texts/emails/blogs of being a teacher at Page High. I sympathize and empathize with her immensely about the MANY struggles of teaching. The lack of sleep, the lack of attention, the lack of participation, the lack of a social life, the lack of dating, the lack of eating, the lack of bathroom breaks, the lack of texting, the lack of seeing sunlight, and the lack of "me" time. Finally, you achieve the lack of the will to get out of bed to face those hormonally challenged ungrateful teenagers from hell who make fun of your outfit and hair! Declaring you are their own personal 'What Not To Wear' series come to life! Yeah, pretty sure that girl failed my class!

Though on the plus side you get all sorts of hook ups slash amenities when teaching hellions. They work everywhere within a 30 minute radius. Restaurants, gas stations, fast food, car washes, grocery stores, retail, movie theaters, every store in the mall and all your hard work equivocates DISCOUNTS from them! Because ultimately you control their grade, and grades control their privileges from their parents, so they suck up to you and not their parents. Which brings me to my second teaching opportune, EXTRA CREDIT! Kids will jump through hoops, walk through fire, and buy you Cafe Rio to attain 10 extra credit points. Very advantageous not only when you are hungry, but also when you teach a foods lab and have $300 worth of groceries in your trunk twice a week and mounds of dirty dishes. Come work in ADDY'S little secret extra credit sweat shop for 10 points. Though, if I managed to see a reflection from the extra clean gleaming silverware I just might change that B to an A-.

Nonetheless, teaching, and high school in general, is a very LOVE HATE relationship. One thing in particular we loved to hate, were those cheesy so-called inspirational posters hanging everywhere from the lunch room to the office to the classrooms. But these two posters have got to be my absolute favorite among Page High via Dezi's camera phone! Where were these cautions when I was in school? I would have definitely hung them up in my own personal classroom just to laugh hysterically at each day!



HAHA! It almost made me want to have a drink after reading it! Living without Dezi is absolutely unbearable, let alone thinking about it. Forget the Redbulls!


HAHA! I love it! Maybe I only think it's funny because it's totally biased and Dezi likes to remind me every chance she gets that I did in fact date an African American or two in NYC. Luckily for her and my mother, I came back fully unscathed from the ordeal. Despite this fact, I received a surprise reply text from my mother stating she would gladly give me $785, after she saw this forwarded pix message to my sister.


I guess I have a lot of work to do come 18 days til NYC in order to earn my $785!


Thanks mom.

Friday, November 21, 2008

IT'S OFFICAL...

I'M SELFISH!

in 21 days I'm getting on a plane to NYC instead of Utah. Compliments of Sprintair's $29 each way deal to LaGuardia (3 min. fr stockbroker boy) !!!!! Let the games, scheming, anticipation, excitement and itineraries begin! Although, I did inquire feedback from the 3 utmost sources in my life about this 24 hr decision. It was a unanimous vote to ditch them for Bendels, Bloomingdales, Ballets, Boys, and Buttercream cupcakes! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! HO HO HO! Hopefully I won't be one.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

MAKE OVER!

I finally did it, #4,536 on my "TO DO" list....new blog layout & font you can read! Enjoy. I sacrificed a meal, a layout, lots of texts, a phone call, a movie, a nap and some candy to make this all possible.